How Much of Your Life Are You Waiting to Live?
There is a strange little habit many of us develop without even realizing it. We wait. We wait until we lose the weight. Until we make more money. Until the kids are older. Until work settles down. Until the relationship gets better. Until we feel more confident. Until we have more time. Until we figure out what we’re doing. Until we finally feel like the version of ourselves we think we’re supposed to be. And somewhere along the way, life quietly becomes something we are preparing to live instead of something we are actually living.
I hear versions of this all the time. “When things calm down, I’m going to…” “When I feel better, I’ll…”
“Once I get through this, then I can…” “Someday I really want to…” But what if this is it? Not “this is it” in some depressing, nothing-will-ever-change kind of way. Quite the opposite. What if this is your life happening right now?
This imperfect Tuesday. This body. This bank account. This relationship status. This messy house. This uncertain season. This version of you who is still figuring some things out. You don’t have to wait for all of it to change before you allow yourself to participate in your own life. That doesn’t mean you stop wanting more. I love wanting more. I love growth, goals, dreams and becoming. I think there is something wonderful about looking at your life and saying, “What else is possible for me?” But there is a huge difference between moving toward something you want and postponing your happiness until you get there. One says, “I’m building something.” The other says, “I’ll start living when I arrive.”
And the problem is, the finish line has a funny way of moving.
You finally lose the weight, but now you want to lose five more pounds. You make more money, but suddenly the number you thought would feel like enough doesn’t feel like enough. You accomplish the goal, and almost immediately your brain hands you another one. We can become so practiced at waiting that even when the thing we were waiting for arrives, we find another reason not to fully exhale.
That’s why I often remind people: You’re not stuck. You’re practiced. Maybe you’ve practiced postponing joy. Maybe you’ve practiced telling yourself you’ll wear that when you’re thinner.
You’ll take the trip when you have more money. You’ll start the business when you feel more confident. You’ll speak up when you’re sure people will understand. You’ll slow down after you finish everything. You’ll celebrate yourself when you’ve done enough to deserve it. You’ll be happy when…
And eventually, “when” becomes a place you spend years trying to reach. Here’s the shift I want you to consider:
What if you stopped making your life earn your participation?
What if you wore the outfit?
What if you took the picture?
What if you went to dinner?
What if you called the friend?
What if you laughed loudly?
What if you rested before everything was finished?
What if you let yourself enjoy where you are while still being excited about where you’re going?
There is a belief hiding underneath a lot of our waiting: I will become the person who can do that someday. But becoming doesn’t usually work that way.
You don’t wait until you’re confident and then start showing up. You show up, and through the repetition of showing up, confidence begins to grow. You don’t wait until you feel worthy and then start treating yourself like you matter. You begin treating yourself like you matter, and you practice a new relationship with your own worth. You don’t wait until fear disappears to live boldly. You discover that you can bring a little fear along for the ride and still choose where you’re going.
That is how patterns change.
Your brain learns through repetition. Whatever you repeatedly think, feel, expect and do becomes increasingly familiar. And familiar can begin to feel like truth. So if you have spent years telling yourself, “Not yet,” it makes sense that waiting feels natural. But you can practice something else.
You can practice now. Now, I can enjoy this. Now, I can take one step. Now, I can let myself be seen.
Now, I can celebrate what is already good. Now, I can stop requiring perfection before I give myself permission to participate. Now, I can become someone who lives her life while she is creating it.
I think sometimes we imagine that the big tragedy would be failing at something we tried.
I’m not convinced that’s true. I think one of the bigger tragedies would be reaching some future version of your life and realizing you spent years standing just outside of it, waiting for permission to come in. Your life isn’t a waiting room. You don’t need someone to come through the door, call your name and tell you that you’re finally ready. You’re already here. There will always be something unfinished. Something uncertain. Something you’re working on. Something you wish were different.
That doesn’t disqualify today from being part of the good part. So maybe the question isn’t, “When will my life finally become what I want it to be?” Maybe the better question is: How much of the life I want could I begin living now? Not all of it. Just some of it.
Maybe that means taking the trip. Maybe it means putting your phone down and actually being where you are. Maybe it means signing up for something that scares you. Maybe it means wearing the bathing suit. Maybe it means dancing in your kitchen, changing careers, sitting on the porch with your coffee, saying no without writing a three-page explanation, or finally saying yes to something you’ve wanted for years. Your future matters. Your dreams matter. The person you are becoming matters. But so does the person sitting here reading this.
Don’t become so focused on creating a beautiful someday that you miss the life asking you to show up today. You don’t have to wait until you’re different. You don’t have to wait until everything is easier.
You don’t have to wait until you have it all figured out. You get to live while you’re becoming. And maybe that’s the practice that changes everything.
How much longer are you willing to wait to fully live your life? You don’t have to become someone else first. You can start showing up differently now.
Ready to stop waiting and start becoming? Explore Showing Up Fully and begin practicing the life you actually want to live.
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