I had a new client come to me after she had been fired from her job. I had met her while she was working at a local store, so I had some insight into her work persona and her personally. When she came to see me, she was a different person from the one I met while visiting the store.
The client said that she did not trust the people that she worked with, she was always on edge fearful of being fired. She felt that she had unattainable expectations placed on her while at work and thought everyone that she worked with was looking for things that she was doing wrong so that they could "tell her". After being fired, she said " I was right!" She did not know how to heal so that she could move on to her next opportunity. This had become a pattern for her, and she was ready to change the pattern, so she called me.
My impression of her was that she was fearful and not very welcoming as the employee I met. She did not want to answer any questions about the products and services that she was selling. Every time I asked a question, she would ask another employee to answer the question, or she would answer with a non-answer. I could tell that she was nervous but knew that she had been through training, so I wondered what was stopping her, what was she afraid of.
When she showed up for our first session a completely different person showed up. She was so put together and appeared confident. I would not have recognized her if I had seen her on the street. She was somebody else and I was impressed with her transformation.
When she walked in, I told her that I did not recognize her and I asked her, "what happened", she said "you do not have any expectation of me. I feel safe with you". I do not need to share all the details of our conversation, but what I took away from our time was how important our beliefs about how we feel about the people we interact with dictate how we behave around them. When we feel judged, when we feel the imposture syndrome, when we feel not enough, we behave in those ways because in that moment, we feel it is true and we feel that is what we are. In these moments, we believe a LIE.
So, it prompted me to look at how I behave around those I feel judged by. How I put up my walls and am not my authentic self in those situations. Then the questions started coming. How do I remain my authentic self when I am with those people? What they think of me has nothing to do with me. The truth is, I have no idea what they think, and many times I am just making shit up. What if I could stay in a place of love instead of getting into fear? Now how to do that? Such a big question.
I decided to meditate on that for a bit and I got a little surprise message from Don Miguel Ruiz: "Close your eyes for a moment and imagine how you would relate to the rest of the world if love was always moving through you" I got the goose bumps I always do when something is right for me. I just need to spend more time in love. As I begin to focus on the things, I am grateful for and the love that surrounds me, more things that match it show up. I know this, it has always been true, but this was such a great reminder.
I will be practicing seeing the world the way my grand babies do. Everyone is a friend, there is no fear, and I am loved. I hope you will practice that too!
Have fun creating on purpose,
Leigh